I spend a lot of time (probably way too much...D complained one night about me being on there) on cafemom, a website for moms that *used to be* a very useful, compassionate site for moms. You could ask almost any question, about your kids, your marriage/relationship, anything at all, and get helpful, nice answers.
It's devolved into something...really not so nice anymore. Not only are the answers not so helpful, but the questions themselves have become nothing more than jokes - and not funny jokes, either. Women asking questions like "I had sex 5 times last week...could I be pregnant?" Or the one I don't think I'll ever forget is the woman who wanted to know if she should give in to her boyfriend's desire to have a threesome with a blow up doll. I mean, really? These are the kinds of things we, as mothers, are thinking about?
Earlier this week, there were two questions that got to me.
One was a woman whose ex-husband had gone to court and gotten 50/50 custody of her children, and she was terrified of what may happen while her kids were in his care. This is a fear I can easily identify with, as I often have these thoughts myself. This question actually caused two nightmares for me that night. One in which Sperm Donor married someone rather wealthy, hired a lawyer, and managed to get custody of C & J. This one was the most terrifying of the nightmares I had that night, or really, ever. The other one was that D & I had gotten married, and we were trying to convince Sperm Donor to give up his rights so that D could adopt C & J. Not only did Sperm Donor refuse, but he actually took us to court to be able to use his visitation rights again. This one almost scares me more than the other one. At least the full custody one is pretty much outside the realm of possibility. With his criminal history, the lack of visitation and the failure to pay child support, it's highly unlikely he'd get custody, even with a good lawyer, and even less likely that he'd ever actually do it. The other one, though...that could happen. He's just spiteful enough that if D & I got married and asked him to give up his rights, he'd refuse and start up the visits again just because he'd know it would upset me, and he'd hope to cause problems between D & I.
The other question was a woman who found out her husband had an online dating profile, in which he stated he was married but was looking to screw around on the side, and she wanted to know if we thought he would really cheat or if he was just "testing the waters". This question prompted a dream in which D was doing this. I know he never would, but after the other two dreams, it still bothered me. When I told D about the dream, he offered to hand over a password to show me I had nothing to worry about. It wasn't necessary for him to do that, because I already knew I had nothing to worry about. As insecure as I may get sometimes, I know he wouldn't do that to me.
But all this got me thinking. Lately, whenever I log in to cafemom, it seems like about 99% of the questions are trashing husbands or significant others in one way or another. It varies between cheating, hiding things, money issues, not helping out enough around the house, not being home enough, and in law issues for the most part.
Maybe it's just because I had such a horrible marriage that I can appreciate D a little better. But I find it kind of...ridiculous that these women married these guys, or at least decided to live with them and have kids with them, and now they want to complain about every little nitpicky thing. Half the time, they aren't complaining about something that is really worth ending the relationship over, and yet that's always how they end their question - "Should I leave him?"
I get that sometimes we all need to vent to someone, and I get that sometimes even the people we love more than anyone else in the world get on our nerves. I often threaten to duct tape the kids to the bed because they drive me nuts. D doesn't really get a chance to drive me nuts because he's gone so much. Kind of hard to drive someone nuts when you're a thousand miles or more away.
But I see the same women complaining day after day about the same stuff. I mean, I can literally go on today, find 3 women and their questions, and trust me, I can find those same 3 women and those same questions tomorrow, and Sunday, too. Maybe even Monday.
Why can't they just accept that this is the guy they married and he's not going to change? If I wanted to, I bet I could find something, maybe even a few somethings, about D to complain about. But I'd rather just accept him as he is. I have a lot more fun with him that way. And rather than complain about the fact that his job keeps him away most of the time, or that he smokes, I'd rather brag about how he really loves me, and how good he is with my kids, or how well he gets along with my parents.
D isn't perfect. Neither am I. I'm sure that just like I could find something about him to complain about, he could find something about me to complain about. But that doesn't help you have a good relationship. When you start just looking at the negatives, and complaining all the time, then you're going to be unhappy.
But you can't tell these women that. If you do, they get all offended and upset, and tell you that you don't get it. Uh...yeah, I do get it. I get that I am in a great relationship that makes me very happy because I love him and I choose to focus on the things that I love about him and make the best of those things that I wish could be different. His job's not going to change, so I focus on the fact that at least if he's not home, we can't fight. He's not going to quit smoking until he's ready, so I focus on the fact that at least it's just cigarettes and he's not doing drugs or getting totally plastered every night. I focus on the fact that he's not going to cheat on me, that he won't lie to me, that he'll be there for me whenever I need him, even if he is a thousand or more miles away.
Since I can't give these answers in the groups, here's what I really want to tell these women:
cheating - if he's cheating on you, either forgive him and move or leave him. If you don't think you can forgive, leave. If it's the 2nd, 3rd, or more time he's done it, then yes, he's going to keep doing it, and no, he's not going to ever feel bad about how much he's hurting you. He really doesn't care.
hiding things - If he's hiding things, he's lying. It's that simple. Unless what he's hiding is your Christmas or birthday present, it's not something you really want to know about. Yes, I think you should ask him, but be sure you want to hear the answer first, because I really don't want to come back here later today to see your new question is, "this is what he's hiding from me, I wish I hadn't asked, how can I make this better?"
money issues - If you two don't have enough money, then figure out a solution. We can't help you with that. If you're not working, try to find a job. If he's not working, he should try to find a job. If he's too lazy to find a job, then why are you with him? And if it's child support....get over it. You knew about his kids before you married him, you knew he'd have to pay child support. Suck it up and get on with your life. Your kids are not suffering because of his other kids, they're suffering because either you or he is refusing to find a way to make sure all the kids are taken care of.
not helping out enough around the house - Men have never helped out enough around the house. Why do we expect that to change? If you're really that desperate, then make him a freaking chore chart.
not being home enough - I really hate these, because it's always that he stops off at the bar or something for an hour after work. I don't get to see D for 3 weeks at a time, and then when I do see him, it's only 3 days, and only part of those 3 days because he has other stuff to do. So really, I don't feel sorry for you that dinner got put off until 6. At least he's there with you every night.
in law issues - you knew he had a family when you met him. You should have met them before you married him. Just like him, they aren't going to change just because you two got married. If you just don't like families in general, then marry an orphan.
Ahhh...I feel so much better now.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Since you didn't hear me the first THREE times...
I moved in with my parents in November, Thanksgiving weekend in fact. Ugh. Have I mentioned this living situation is not much fun?
Anyway, when we were in our old house, we had a certain satellite DISH company providing us with our TV entertainment. Well, when there weren't any clouds in the sky over India, we had TV. So, after moving in with my parents, I called that company, and told them I had moved and wanted to disconnect my service and cancel my account. At that time, I told them that they needed to send the final bill and the boxes for the equipment they wanted back to my new address. The man I spoke with was very nice and confirmed he'd entered my new address into my account info.
Two weeks or so later...I get a forwarded notice in the mail that UPS tried to deliver the boxes to my old house. Hmm...well, ok. Maybe UPS messed up. The driver for our area knew where I lived, maybe he didn't know I moved. Oh, no, wait...yep, says right here they didn't deliver them because I moved. So....I call the DISH company and tell the woman I speak to very nicely that they made a mistake and could she please help me correct this? Well, she discovers that the first guy screwed up and put the new address on my parents cancelled account. Apparently, it's hard to tell my name, which starts with a W, apart from my mother's name, which starts with a D. Hey, they both have 5 letters...I get it, it's confusing.
So, this lady gets it all straightened out, and assures me that a new set of boxes are on their way, to my NEW address, and that they will give me an extension on the time to return the equipment.
About a week later, the boxes arrive...left at the old house. With the old address on them. Must have had a substitute driver that day, who didn't know I moved. Lucky for all of us I happened to drive by the old house that day, or the boxes would have rotted in the rain we've had since then.
I bring the boxes home, and get ready to put the equipment in them, so I can slap the prepaid return shipping label on it and send it back. Except...there's no prepaid shipping label. Wonderful.
Keeping in mind that this is now roughly 3 weeks to a month AFTER I first called and informed them of my move and new address, I call them again. You know what I really hate about the stupid voice response systems? They don't generally respond that well to your voice. After getting disconnected I don't even know how many times, I FINALLY get through to someone.
He is very nice, and more than happy to print out my shipping label. Only...he's not sure how to do it, can he put me on hold for just a moment? Sure, no problem. Boy, was THAT the wrong response. He comes back to tell me that he can't print it out, but he can give me the address, and the RMA that I need to return it, and I just take it to UPS and have them create a label.
Ok, that's cool, but...um, if I have to take this to UPS, and have them create a label, doesn't that mean I have to pay for it? Well, yes. OK....why wasn't I told this before? New policy, started this week.
Wait a minute. I called a month ago to get this done, so it seems to me that this new policy shouldn't apply to me. If they hadn't screwed up, the equipment would have been returned long before this new policy took effect.
Oh, but no...that's not how it works. After close to an hour arguing with this customer service rep, his boss, and someone in the account retention dept, I'm ready to borrow one of my dad's or D's guns and start hurting people (in retrospect, making this call while I had raging PMS might not have been the best idea!), when they put me through to someone in the executive office who proceeds to...lie his ass off to me. He claimed to be e-mailing me the shipping labels and all I have to do is print them and tape them to the box.I had to give him my name, e-mail address, phone number, and once again, my new address. That was around New Year's...and it's Jan. 19th. I've yet to see this e-mail. Apparently it's taking the scenic route.
Oh, but it gets better. Because yesterday, my parents drove by the old house on their way home and found a little UPS InfoNotice stuck to the door. Apparently, yesterday was UPS's second attempt to deliver something from...guess who? That's right! That unnamed DISH company. And as if all that wasn't enough to make me want to hurt someone again, the InfoNotice tells me to go to the UPS website and I can make alternate delivery arrangements.
Sounds easy, right? Yeah...not so much. I've tried 4 times, and it says it can't do it. So, I've decided they can throw the delivery off a cliff, and I will be just fine with that. I've considered calling that DISH company and once again correcting my address, but since I would start out with "Since you didn't hear me the first 3 times..." and end with a whole lot of 4 letter words that probably aren't really appropriate for general conversation, I'm thinking that might not be the way to go.
I mean, really, what are they going to do to me? Charge my card for the equipment? It's a debit card on a bank account I closed over a year ago. Go ahead and try. Put it on my credit report? Fine, I'll dispute it. You wouldn't send me the shipping labels, you didn't give me an address, you kept sending stuff to my old address, which I technically am no longer allowed on the property, since I no longer own it. What exactly should I do?
Needless to say, when I move out again, I will NOT be getting service from this DISH company. I think I will make sure I can get cable wherever I live. In fact, I think I'll save myself a lot of headaches, and just let D handle cable or satellite or whatever we get for TV. Yeah, I think that's a very good idea. Of course, I should probably ask him first. Or bribe him. Yeah, bribing would probably be the best way here. Now, to figure out what to bribe him WITH...
The kids didn't have school yesterday, so I took them outside to play earlier than usual. We came in after a bit, because it was cold and I wanted hot cocoa. They did, too, but mainly me. You want to know how to really annoy your kid? Here's a tried and true method:
We come in, and C comes around the kitchen counter and crouches down, while J is still in the kitchen.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"Hiding from J." C whispers.
"Well, it's not going to work real well hiding on the other side of the counter." I respond, loud enough for J to hear if he's listening.
C gets up and goes to crouch between two big chairs we have in the living room.
"He'll find you hiding between those two chairs too."
C gets up and goes in his bedroom. He grabs the closet door as he heads into the closet.
"He'll probably find you in the closet in your room, too."
"He's going to find me if you keep telling him where I'm hiding!" C cries with much exasperation and frustration.
Well, I don't know about him, but I had fun with that little game of hide and seek...or was it hide and tell? Ehh..who cares, I had fun.
Anyway, when we were in our old house, we had a certain satellite DISH company providing us with our TV entertainment. Well, when there weren't any clouds in the sky over India, we had TV. So, after moving in with my parents, I called that company, and told them I had moved and wanted to disconnect my service and cancel my account. At that time, I told them that they needed to send the final bill and the boxes for the equipment they wanted back to my new address. The man I spoke with was very nice and confirmed he'd entered my new address into my account info.
Two weeks or so later...I get a forwarded notice in the mail that UPS tried to deliver the boxes to my old house. Hmm...well, ok. Maybe UPS messed up. The driver for our area knew where I lived, maybe he didn't know I moved. Oh, no, wait...yep, says right here they didn't deliver them because I moved. So....I call the DISH company and tell the woman I speak to very nicely that they made a mistake and could she please help me correct this? Well, she discovers that the first guy screwed up and put the new address on my parents cancelled account. Apparently, it's hard to tell my name, which starts with a W, apart from my mother's name, which starts with a D. Hey, they both have 5 letters...I get it, it's confusing.
So, this lady gets it all straightened out, and assures me that a new set of boxes are on their way, to my NEW address, and that they will give me an extension on the time to return the equipment.
About a week later, the boxes arrive...left at the old house. With the old address on them. Must have had a substitute driver that day, who didn't know I moved. Lucky for all of us I happened to drive by the old house that day, or the boxes would have rotted in the rain we've had since then.
I bring the boxes home, and get ready to put the equipment in them, so I can slap the prepaid return shipping label on it and send it back. Except...there's no prepaid shipping label. Wonderful.
Keeping in mind that this is now roughly 3 weeks to a month AFTER I first called and informed them of my move and new address, I call them again. You know what I really hate about the stupid voice response systems? They don't generally respond that well to your voice. After getting disconnected I don't even know how many times, I FINALLY get through to someone.
He is very nice, and more than happy to print out my shipping label. Only...he's not sure how to do it, can he put me on hold for just a moment? Sure, no problem. Boy, was THAT the wrong response. He comes back to tell me that he can't print it out, but he can give me the address, and the RMA that I need to return it, and I just take it to UPS and have them create a label.
Ok, that's cool, but...um, if I have to take this to UPS, and have them create a label, doesn't that mean I have to pay for it? Well, yes. OK....why wasn't I told this before? New policy, started this week.
Wait a minute. I called a month ago to get this done, so it seems to me that this new policy shouldn't apply to me. If they hadn't screwed up, the equipment would have been returned long before this new policy took effect.
Oh, but no...that's not how it works. After close to an hour arguing with this customer service rep, his boss, and someone in the account retention dept, I'm ready to borrow one of my dad's or D's guns and start hurting people (in retrospect, making this call while I had raging PMS might not have been the best idea!), when they put me through to someone in the executive office who proceeds to...lie his ass off to me. He claimed to be e-mailing me the shipping labels and all I have to do is print them and tape them to the box.I had to give him my name, e-mail address, phone number, and once again, my new address. That was around New Year's...and it's Jan. 19th. I've yet to see this e-mail. Apparently it's taking the scenic route.
Oh, but it gets better. Because yesterday, my parents drove by the old house on their way home and found a little UPS InfoNotice stuck to the door. Apparently, yesterday was UPS's second attempt to deliver something from...guess who? That's right! That unnamed DISH company. And as if all that wasn't enough to make me want to hurt someone again, the InfoNotice tells me to go to the UPS website and I can make alternate delivery arrangements.
Sounds easy, right? Yeah...not so much. I've tried 4 times, and it says it can't do it. So, I've decided they can throw the delivery off a cliff, and I will be just fine with that. I've considered calling that DISH company and once again correcting my address, but since I would start out with "Since you didn't hear me the first 3 times..." and end with a whole lot of 4 letter words that probably aren't really appropriate for general conversation, I'm thinking that might not be the way to go.
I mean, really, what are they going to do to me? Charge my card for the equipment? It's a debit card on a bank account I closed over a year ago. Go ahead and try. Put it on my credit report? Fine, I'll dispute it. You wouldn't send me the shipping labels, you didn't give me an address, you kept sending stuff to my old address, which I technically am no longer allowed on the property, since I no longer own it. What exactly should I do?
Needless to say, when I move out again, I will NOT be getting service from this DISH company. I think I will make sure I can get cable wherever I live. In fact, I think I'll save myself a lot of headaches, and just let D handle cable or satellite or whatever we get for TV. Yeah, I think that's a very good idea. Of course, I should probably ask him first. Or bribe him. Yeah, bribing would probably be the best way here. Now, to figure out what to bribe him WITH...
The kids didn't have school yesterday, so I took them outside to play earlier than usual. We came in after a bit, because it was cold and I wanted hot cocoa. They did, too, but mainly me. You want to know how to really annoy your kid? Here's a tried and true method:
We come in, and C comes around the kitchen counter and crouches down, while J is still in the kitchen.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"Hiding from J." C whispers.
"Well, it's not going to work real well hiding on the other side of the counter." I respond, loud enough for J to hear if he's listening.
C gets up and goes to crouch between two big chairs we have in the living room.
"He'll find you hiding between those two chairs too."
C gets up and goes in his bedroom. He grabs the closet door as he heads into the closet.
"He'll probably find you in the closet in your room, too."
"He's going to find me if you keep telling him where I'm hiding!" C cries with much exasperation and frustration.
Well, I don't know about him, but I had fun with that little game of hide and seek...or was it hide and tell? Ehh..who cares, I had fun.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Clearly I'm still being lazy...
Since the last time I blogged was right after D was home, and here I am, blogging again right after he's been home.
So, D was home for my birthday. Made my day. I love that man so much. His birthday present to me was to change my operating system on the computer. I am no longer using Windows, and I couldn't be happier about that. It's definitely different than what I am used to, but I still like it much better.
We went out to dinner at Chili's for my birthday, using a gift card that my parents gave to us for Christmas. Is it really cheesy and pathetic that I am keeping the little gift card holder that the card came in because it was the first gift anyone gave to both of us in our relationship? Ok, yeah, dumb question. I know it's cheesy, but I'm gonna do it anyway. Anyway, back to my story. We went out to dinner at Chili's and it was really nice. It was nice to spend some time alone with him, and yet be out doing something at the same time. Plus I did need a break from the family. I love the kids to death, and I love my parents, too, but sometimes I just need to get away. And it was nice to get away with D.
He was also over for dinner last night, and then we watched a movie together after the kids went to bed. Then, of course, we had to say our goodbyes as he had to leave today. That was hard. I hate saying goodbye to him. Three weeks never felt so long until I met him. Now it seems like forever.
I think some of that may be because I know how unhappy he is with his current job. He loves what he does, but right now he really hates it. He's not getting enough miles, so he's not making any real money. He's constantly stressed and miserable, and there's nothing I can do to make it better. He was already starting to stress and get tense last night while we were watching the movie, and by this morning, he was (I think) as tense as he was before he got home. I keep trying to nudge him into calling some other companies and checking into making a move, but he hasn't done it. And I don't want to push too hard and seem like a nag or like I'm trying to force him to do something he doesn't want to do. Whatever decision he makes, regardless of whether I agree with it or not, I will support him. But I want him to be happy. And I think he knows as well as I do that it's not going to happen where he's at now. He started with this company 4.5 yrs ago, when he first started driving, with the intention of retiring from it. I can understand how hard it is to let go of that idea, but I also see what it's doing to him to stay there, and that kills me. This is the one part of being in a relationship that I forgot about...having to watch the man you love be unhappy, and not being able to do anything about it.
C & J had a great Christmas. They loved the legos that D bought for them. They have, in fact, played with them more than any other gift they got for Christmas. And they got quite a bit of really awesome stuff. Heck, they got stuff that I want to play with!
D loved what I got him. I got him a Zippo lighter engraved with his initials and some lovey dovey sentiments. Of course, once I got my gift from him, I kinda feel like it wasn't enough, even though I put tons of thought into it. He got me a gorgeous stand mixer. This thing is just....oh, wow. That's all I can say. 6 qt bowl, major power. I've made carrot cake and chocolate chip cookies so far using it, and I'm in absolute heaven.
The boys are back in school. They went back on Monday. It's been a rough week. Monday night J was wild. It was almost like someone drugged him at school, he just could not calm down no matter what. Screaming, yelling, carrying on. As the week went on, he got better, thankfully. As much as I loved them being home, getting to spend more time with them, being able to sleep past the crack of dawn, I am glad they're back in school. I can start working on getting the house back into some sort of order, and I get a little bit of me time while they're at school. I can get things done online, read, try to figure out how to get a job when there are no jobs to be had.
Things are settling back to normal. Hopefully I'll start posting a little more often. Or not. Who knows? :)
So, D was home for my birthday. Made my day. I love that man so much. His birthday present to me was to change my operating system on the computer. I am no longer using Windows, and I couldn't be happier about that. It's definitely different than what I am used to, but I still like it much better.
We went out to dinner at Chili's for my birthday, using a gift card that my parents gave to us for Christmas. Is it really cheesy and pathetic that I am keeping the little gift card holder that the card came in because it was the first gift anyone gave to both of us in our relationship? Ok, yeah, dumb question. I know it's cheesy, but I'm gonna do it anyway. Anyway, back to my story. We went out to dinner at Chili's and it was really nice. It was nice to spend some time alone with him, and yet be out doing something at the same time. Plus I did need a break from the family. I love the kids to death, and I love my parents, too, but sometimes I just need to get away. And it was nice to get away with D.
He was also over for dinner last night, and then we watched a movie together after the kids went to bed. Then, of course, we had to say our goodbyes as he had to leave today. That was hard. I hate saying goodbye to him. Three weeks never felt so long until I met him. Now it seems like forever.
I think some of that may be because I know how unhappy he is with his current job. He loves what he does, but right now he really hates it. He's not getting enough miles, so he's not making any real money. He's constantly stressed and miserable, and there's nothing I can do to make it better. He was already starting to stress and get tense last night while we were watching the movie, and by this morning, he was (I think) as tense as he was before he got home. I keep trying to nudge him into calling some other companies and checking into making a move, but he hasn't done it. And I don't want to push too hard and seem like a nag or like I'm trying to force him to do something he doesn't want to do. Whatever decision he makes, regardless of whether I agree with it or not, I will support him. But I want him to be happy. And I think he knows as well as I do that it's not going to happen where he's at now. He started with this company 4.5 yrs ago, when he first started driving, with the intention of retiring from it. I can understand how hard it is to let go of that idea, but I also see what it's doing to him to stay there, and that kills me. This is the one part of being in a relationship that I forgot about...having to watch the man you love be unhappy, and not being able to do anything about it.
C & J had a great Christmas. They loved the legos that D bought for them. They have, in fact, played with them more than any other gift they got for Christmas. And they got quite a bit of really awesome stuff. Heck, they got stuff that I want to play with!
D loved what I got him. I got him a Zippo lighter engraved with his initials and some lovey dovey sentiments. Of course, once I got my gift from him, I kinda feel like it wasn't enough, even though I put tons of thought into it. He got me a gorgeous stand mixer. This thing is just....oh, wow. That's all I can say. 6 qt bowl, major power. I've made carrot cake and chocolate chip cookies so far using it, and I'm in absolute heaven.
The boys are back in school. They went back on Monday. It's been a rough week. Monday night J was wild. It was almost like someone drugged him at school, he just could not calm down no matter what. Screaming, yelling, carrying on. As the week went on, he got better, thankfully. As much as I loved them being home, getting to spend more time with them, being able to sleep past the crack of dawn, I am glad they're back in school. I can start working on getting the house back into some sort of order, and I get a little bit of me time while they're at school. I can get things done online, read, try to figure out how to get a job when there are no jobs to be had.
Things are settling back to normal. Hopefully I'll start posting a little more often. Or not. Who knows? :)
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Once again, I have been slacking...
So sorry about that. Been kind of...distracted.
D was home last week. He should have been home on Friday, 12/11. But, of course...truck drivers are NEVER home when they should be. Not his fault, but I must say I'd love nothing better than to hire a hitman for his dispatcher right now. He didn't get home until Sunday night. They couldn't find him a load to get him home. He was stuck in Mobile, AL. It cost him more to sit there than it did to get home. He's supposed to be home for my birthday, and is in fact, putting in for a couple of days beforehand, so that he should, even late, be here for the actual day, but if he's not...there's a man in NE that will not like me very much. :)
It was nice that he was home, though. I didn't get to spend nearly as much time with him as I would have liked, but still. He met the kids and my parents, and things went amazingly well. Better than I expected, in fact. The kids adore him. They love his truck, and they are so excited because he got them Christmas presents. And boy, did he get them presents. I figured he was just going to get them a little something, kind of a "don't hate me for dating your mom" kind of thing. He went beyond that. He went more into "I'm dating your mom, and I'll do anything I have to to get you to think I'm awesome". The boys are going to absolutely lose it when they see what he got them, I think.
My parents seem to really like him so far, too. Of course, my dad says anything is an improvement over my ex, so it's still kind of hard to judge. But they got along really well, and D scored major points by not being intimidated or afraid of my dad. EVERYONE is always terrified of my dad, so the man who is not impresses me in a big way.
But I did end up getting insecure, more than once, and almost ruining the little bit of time that we had together. Lucky for me, he's a very forgiving and patient man, and isn't willing to let my insecurities get in the way of our relationship, even though I seem to be trying to. I'm working really hard on getting past all that stupid crap, though. D is too wonderful to let go.
All my Christmas shopping is done. Everything is wrapped, except for a last couple of gifts for D from the boys, only because they haven't gotten here yet. I ordered them, but apparently there's been some kind of delay. So...he has his gift from me on the truck with him, but he won't get his gifts from the boys until he gets home. It sucks. And he won't be here for Christmas, which really sucks. I told him I would use the video function on my camera to tape the boys opening his gifts and then e-mail it to him so he can at least see it.
I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do for my parents for Christmas. There's not much I can think of that's new or different from what I've done before, and they really don't need any more of that kind of stuff.
Kids are out of school for the break. Two weeks at home.....aaaahhhh! I don't think I'll survive it. Someone save me now! Seriously, it's not THAT bad. But I didn't get a whole lot of sleep while D was home, and I'm trying to catch up, but...well, it takes a while, ya know? And trying to keep two kids away from the tree and the presents and keep them entertained when funds are limited so you're pretty much stuck at home is...well, not fun.
Oh, and just to give you a laugh...while D was home, most nights after the boys went to bed at 9, he and I would leave and go out. Since it was pretty much our only time alone together, we'd be out til quite late, usually about 3am (now you know why I'm so tired!). Well, on I think the second night, I came sneaking in as quietly as I could, trying not to trip or stub a toe or do anything that might make noise and wake up the house. I'd left the tree lights on when I left, thinking to use them to see by. Well, my mother turned them off. So I'm kind of sliding my feet thru the house. I get to my room, turn on my light, put my purse down and turn to go to the bathroom and change for bed. There's my 8 yr old, arms folded across his chest with this look on his face.
"Where have you been?"
"Out with D. Go to bed."
"Do you know what time it is? You have to get up in the morning."
"Yes, I do know what time it is. Do you? And yes, I know I have to get up in the morning. Go to bed."
"Why did the light keep coming on and off?" (We have motion activated lights.)
Oops.
"D and I were talking. Go to bed."
"Mom, you have responsibilities. You can't stay out this late."
"Go to bed!"
Finally, my mini father goes back to bed.
That evening, comes out that not only does my 8 yr old know what time I'm getting home, so does everyone else, except my 6 yr old. So much for thinking I was sneaking in and being quiet.
D was home last week. He should have been home on Friday, 12/11. But, of course...truck drivers are NEVER home when they should be. Not his fault, but I must say I'd love nothing better than to hire a hitman for his dispatcher right now. He didn't get home until Sunday night. They couldn't find him a load to get him home. He was stuck in Mobile, AL. It cost him more to sit there than it did to get home. He's supposed to be home for my birthday, and is in fact, putting in for a couple of days beforehand, so that he should, even late, be here for the actual day, but if he's not...there's a man in NE that will not like me very much. :)
It was nice that he was home, though. I didn't get to spend nearly as much time with him as I would have liked, but still. He met the kids and my parents, and things went amazingly well. Better than I expected, in fact. The kids adore him. They love his truck, and they are so excited because he got them Christmas presents. And boy, did he get them presents. I figured he was just going to get them a little something, kind of a "don't hate me for dating your mom" kind of thing. He went beyond that. He went more into "I'm dating your mom, and I'll do anything I have to to get you to think I'm awesome". The boys are going to absolutely lose it when they see what he got them, I think.
My parents seem to really like him so far, too. Of course, my dad says anything is an improvement over my ex, so it's still kind of hard to judge. But they got along really well, and D scored major points by not being intimidated or afraid of my dad. EVERYONE is always terrified of my dad, so the man who is not impresses me in a big way.
But I did end up getting insecure, more than once, and almost ruining the little bit of time that we had together. Lucky for me, he's a very forgiving and patient man, and isn't willing to let my insecurities get in the way of our relationship, even though I seem to be trying to. I'm working really hard on getting past all that stupid crap, though. D is too wonderful to let go.
All my Christmas shopping is done. Everything is wrapped, except for a last couple of gifts for D from the boys, only because they haven't gotten here yet. I ordered them, but apparently there's been some kind of delay. So...he has his gift from me on the truck with him, but he won't get his gifts from the boys until he gets home. It sucks. And he won't be here for Christmas, which really sucks. I told him I would use the video function on my camera to tape the boys opening his gifts and then e-mail it to him so he can at least see it.
I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do for my parents for Christmas. There's not much I can think of that's new or different from what I've done before, and they really don't need any more of that kind of stuff.
Kids are out of school for the break. Two weeks at home.....aaaahhhh! I don't think I'll survive it. Someone save me now! Seriously, it's not THAT bad. But I didn't get a whole lot of sleep while D was home, and I'm trying to catch up, but...well, it takes a while, ya know? And trying to keep two kids away from the tree and the presents and keep them entertained when funds are limited so you're pretty much stuck at home is...well, not fun.
Oh, and just to give you a laugh...while D was home, most nights after the boys went to bed at 9, he and I would leave and go out. Since it was pretty much our only time alone together, we'd be out til quite late, usually about 3am (now you know why I'm so tired!). Well, on I think the second night, I came sneaking in as quietly as I could, trying not to trip or stub a toe or do anything that might make noise and wake up the house. I'd left the tree lights on when I left, thinking to use them to see by. Well, my mother turned them off. So I'm kind of sliding my feet thru the house. I get to my room, turn on my light, put my purse down and turn to go to the bathroom and change for bed. There's my 8 yr old, arms folded across his chest with this look on his face.
"Where have you been?"
"Out with D. Go to bed."
"Do you know what time it is? You have to get up in the morning."
"Yes, I do know what time it is. Do you? And yes, I know I have to get up in the morning. Go to bed."
"Why did the light keep coming on and off?" (We have motion activated lights.)
Oops.
"D and I were talking. Go to bed."
"Mom, you have responsibilities. You can't stay out this late."
"Go to bed!"
Finally, my mini father goes back to bed.
That evening, comes out that not only does my 8 yr old know what time I'm getting home, so does everyone else, except my 6 yr old. So much for thinking I was sneaking in and being quiet.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Moving, Holidays, Kids...slowly going insane, I think
We are moving this weekend, and although I've gotten quite a bit packed up and ready to go, there is still soooo much more that needs to be done. And the kids are....no help at all, of course. I tell them to sort their toys, and I get hours upon hours of whining. Then, when they actually do it, they must be overly dramatic and either throw away everything, including their favorite toys, or be desperately attached to each and every toy and find it absolutely impossible to part with it. Why can't they just be simple and decide to toss this and keep that? But then again, I am the mother who is going through every piece of artwork, every school paper and report card they have ever brought home and finding reasons to save them. So, I guess I should stop throwing stones before I break the glass house I'm living in.
I've gotten most of my Christmas shopping done for the kids. I still don't know what I'm going to do for my parents. And I'm also trying to figure out what I'm going to get D. I want to get him something special, something nice, but...it's hard. I mean, I know a LOT about him, but still...what do you get for a guy you've only recently started dating, and will have only been together with for a little over a month when Christmas arrives?
I still have to get a couple more small items for the boys, and some clothes. C is outgrowing his clothes faster than I can keep up. J isn't doing too shabby in the growing department himself, but at least with him, I can just give him his brother's old clothes. Well, when C hasn't completely shredded them or made them filthy beyond repair, which often happens, it seems.
And for the last week or so, C & J keep waking up fighting, and it continues all day. I asked C the other morning if he woke up on the wrong side of the bed and his response was to tell me he got off the end of it. Clearly we didn't get it.
The worst part so far is that there was no school today, and it was cold and rainy all day. Being cooped up with two rambunctious, arguing boys is NOT fun, in case you were wondering. I did manage to get them outside for a few brief minutes this afternoon, maybe a half hour, but it was not enough. Although they do seem to be getting along slightly better, but that, I think, is soon to change, if the rumblings from the sofa are any indication.
I'm looking forward to getting this move over with so that we can get on with things. Feeling stuck in limbo is driving me crazy. And of course, the fact that once this move is over, it's only a little more than a week, maybe two, before I get to see D again helps too.
Now, if the kids could just stop fighting...and if my house would pack itself...and if I could find a decent job...my life would be perfect. Oh, who am I kidding? It's pretty great as is.
I've gotten most of my Christmas shopping done for the kids. I still don't know what I'm going to do for my parents. And I'm also trying to figure out what I'm going to get D. I want to get him something special, something nice, but...it's hard. I mean, I know a LOT about him, but still...what do you get for a guy you've only recently started dating, and will have only been together with for a little over a month when Christmas arrives?
I still have to get a couple more small items for the boys, and some clothes. C is outgrowing his clothes faster than I can keep up. J isn't doing too shabby in the growing department himself, but at least with him, I can just give him his brother's old clothes. Well, when C hasn't completely shredded them or made them filthy beyond repair, which often happens, it seems.
And for the last week or so, C & J keep waking up fighting, and it continues all day. I asked C the other morning if he woke up on the wrong side of the bed and his response was to tell me he got off the end of it. Clearly we didn't get it.
The worst part so far is that there was no school today, and it was cold and rainy all day. Being cooped up with two rambunctious, arguing boys is NOT fun, in case you were wondering. I did manage to get them outside for a few brief minutes this afternoon, maybe a half hour, but it was not enough. Although they do seem to be getting along slightly better, but that, I think, is soon to change, if the rumblings from the sofa are any indication.
I'm looking forward to getting this move over with so that we can get on with things. Feeling stuck in limbo is driving me crazy. And of course, the fact that once this move is over, it's only a little more than a week, maybe two, before I get to see D again helps too.
Now, if the kids could just stop fighting...and if my house would pack itself...and if I could find a decent job...my life would be perfect. Oh, who am I kidding? It's pretty great as is.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Soooo.....
The kids brought home their report cards yesterday. C still has a D in math, which he knows I'm not happy about, but the rest of his grades are C's & B's, which although they could be better, I'll accept. Conduct is still S in all, so I'm proud of him for that. He's come quite a long way with his ADHD. J came home with all E's & S's, and S's in conduct. He's doing really great.
I had to get a new printer today. I discovered the other morning that my old one was not compatible with Vista. I checked, before I got my new computer, to make sure that all my different software would be compatible, never even thought about the stupid printer until I tried to print something out for the kids' teachers and it wouldn't print.
J had his field trip today, and he came home thrilled to death. The most exciting part of his day: a tie between milking the goat and petting the pig...on the butt. Kids are strange.
By the way, speaking of men, is anyone looking for a slightly clingy, unintentionally annoying, more than ready for a commitment kind of guy? Because I know one that I would just love to see him happy...with someone else.
I had to get a new printer today. I discovered the other morning that my old one was not compatible with Vista. I checked, before I got my new computer, to make sure that all my different software would be compatible, never even thought about the stupid printer until I tried to print something out for the kids' teachers and it wouldn't print.
J had his field trip today, and he came home thrilled to death. The most exciting part of his day: a tie between milking the goat and petting the pig...on the butt. Kids are strange.
By the way, speaking of men, is anyone looking for a slightly clingy, unintentionally annoying, more than ready for a commitment kind of guy? Because I know one that I would just love to see him happy...with someone else.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Halloween Night and Creepy Guys
Halloween really wasn't that great this year. The local church was supposedly having "Trunk or Treat", but they didn't bother to list the time. So the kids missed that. The Haunted House toned down the scariness so much that the kids weren't the least bit impressed, and actually, I think they were quite bored with it. The Haunted Woods didn't start until too late, so they missed that. And there were 5 houses in our entire neighborhood that actually handed out candy, and one of those was my parents. The kids did get some candy, and had a little fun, but not as much as usual, and they were really disappointed that they didn't get to do as much as they usually do. This year was really a letdown.
As I've mentioned before, I keep getting a lot of liars responding to my profile online. Namely one who keeps lying about his age. Well, now he's gone from "liar" to "creepy desperate loser". I sent him a message pretty much calling him a liar, and he sends me a poem about how much he loves me and hates being so far away (a poem which a friend pointed out that he probably cut and pasted from somewhere, and he is probably right). That was really creepy. If someone called me a liar, my response would not be to profess my love for them. Especially if they were a stranger to me. So, I told the creepy desperate loser to leave me alone, and I've not heard from him since, so I'm hoping this was the last of him.
Well, it's late and I think I'm off to bed.
As I've mentioned before, I keep getting a lot of liars responding to my profile online. Namely one who keeps lying about his age. Well, now he's gone from "liar" to "creepy desperate loser". I sent him a message pretty much calling him a liar, and he sends me a poem about how much he loves me and hates being so far away (a poem which a friend pointed out that he probably cut and pasted from somewhere, and he is probably right). That was really creepy. If someone called me a liar, my response would not be to profess my love for them. Especially if they were a stranger to me. So, I told the creepy desperate loser to leave me alone, and I've not heard from him since, so I'm hoping this was the last of him.
Well, it's late and I think I'm off to bed.
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