Once again, I have been slacking...

So sorry about that. Been kind of...distracted.

D was home last week. He should have been home on Friday, 12/11. But, of course...truck drivers are NEVER home when they should be. Not his fault, but I must say I'd love nothing better than to hire a hitman for his dispatcher right now. He didn't get home until Sunday night. They couldn't find him a load to get him home. He was stuck in Mobile, AL. It cost him more to sit there than it did to get home. He's supposed to be home for my birthday, and is in fact, putting in for a couple of days beforehand, so that he should, even late, be here for the actual day, but if he's not...there's a man in NE that will not like me very much. :)

It was nice that he was home, though. I didn't get to spend nearly as much time with him as I would have liked, but still. He met the kids and my parents, and things went amazingly well. Better than I expected, in fact. The kids adore him. They love his truck, and they are so excited because he got them Christmas presents. And boy, did he get them presents. I figured he was just going to get them a little something, kind of a "don't hate me for dating your mom" kind of thing. He went beyond that. He went more into "I'm dating your mom, and I'll do anything I have to to get you to think I'm awesome". The boys are going to absolutely lose it when they see what he got them, I think.

My parents seem to really like him so far, too. Of course, my dad says anything is an improvement over my ex, so it's still kind of hard to judge. But they got along really well, and D scored major points by not being intimidated or afraid of my dad. EVERYONE is always terrified of my dad, so the man who is not impresses me in a big way.

But I did end up getting insecure, more than once, and almost ruining the little bit of time that we had together. Lucky for me, he's a very forgiving and patient man, and isn't willing to let my insecurities get in the way of our relationship, even though I seem to be trying to. I'm working really hard on getting past all that stupid crap, though. D is too wonderful to let go.

All my Christmas shopping is done. Everything is wrapped, except for a last couple of gifts for D from the boys, only because they haven't gotten here yet. I ordered them, but apparently there's been some kind of delay. So...he has his gift from me on the truck with him, but he won't get his gifts from the boys until he gets home. It sucks. And he won't be here for Christmas, which really sucks. I told him I would use the video function on my camera to tape the boys opening his gifts and then e-mail it to him so he can at least see it.

I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do for my parents for Christmas. There's not much I can think of that's new or different from what I've done before, and they really don't need any more of that kind of stuff.

Kids are out of school for the break. Two weeks at home.....aaaahhhh! I don't think I'll survive it. Someone save me now! Seriously, it's not THAT bad. But I didn't get a whole lot of sleep while D was home, and I'm trying to catch up, but...well, it takes a while, ya know? And trying to keep two kids away from the tree and the presents and keep them entertained when funds are limited so you're pretty much stuck at home is...well, not fun.

Oh, and just to give you a laugh...while D was home, most nights after the boys went to bed at 9, he and I would leave and go out. Since it was pretty much our only time alone together, we'd be out til quite late, usually about 3am (now you know why I'm so tired!). Well, on I think the second night, I came sneaking in as quietly as I could, trying not to trip or stub a toe or do anything that might make noise and wake up the house. I'd left the tree lights on when I left, thinking to use them to see by. Well, my mother turned them off. So I'm kind of sliding my feet thru the house. I get to my room, turn on my light, put my purse down and turn to go to the bathroom and change for bed. There's my 8 yr old, arms folded across his chest with this look on his face.

"Where have you been?"

"Out with D. Go to bed."

"Do you know what time it is? You have to get up in the morning."

"Yes, I do know what time it is. Do you? And yes, I know I have to get up in the morning. Go to bed."

"Why did the light keep coming on and off?" (We have motion activated lights.)

Oops.

"D and I were talking. Go to bed."

"Mom, you have responsibilities. You can't stay out this late."

"Go to bed!"

Finally, my mini father goes back to bed.

That evening, comes out that not only does my 8 yr old know what time I'm getting home, so does everyone else, except my 6 yr old. So much for thinking I was sneaking in and being quiet.

Moving, Holidays, Kids...slowly going insane, I think

We are moving this weekend, and although I've gotten quite a bit packed up and ready to go, there is still soooo much more that needs to be done. And the kids are....no help at all, of course. I tell them to sort their toys, and I get hours upon hours of whining. Then, when they actually do it, they must be overly dramatic and either throw away everything, including their favorite toys, or be desperately attached to each and every toy and find it absolutely impossible to part with it. Why can't they just be simple and decide to toss this and keep that? But then again, I am the mother who is going through every piece of artwork, every school paper and report card they have ever brought home and finding reasons to save them. So, I guess I should stop throwing stones before I break the glass house I'm living in.

I've gotten most of my Christmas shopping done for the kids. I still don't know what I'm going to do for my parents. And I'm also trying to figure out what I'm going to get D. I want to get him something special, something nice, but...it's hard. I mean, I know a LOT about him, but still...what do you get for a guy you've only recently started dating, and will have only been together with for a little over a month when Christmas arrives?

I still have to get a couple more small items for the boys, and some clothes. C is outgrowing his clothes faster than I can keep up. J isn't doing too shabby in the growing department himself, but at least with him, I can just give him his brother's old clothes. Well, when C hasn't completely shredded them or made them filthy beyond repair, which often happens, it seems.

And for the last week or so, C & J keep waking up fighting, and it continues all day. I asked C the other morning if he woke up on the wrong side of the bed and his response was to tell me he got off the end of it. Clearly we didn't get it.

The worst part so far is that there was no school today, and it was cold and rainy all day. Being cooped up with two rambunctious, arguing boys is NOT fun, in case you were wondering. I did manage to get them outside for a few brief minutes this afternoon, maybe a half hour, but it was not enough. Although they do seem to be getting along slightly better, but that, I think, is soon to change, if the rumblings from the sofa are any indication.

I'm looking forward to getting this move over with so that we can get on with things. Feeling stuck in limbo is driving me crazy. And of course, the fact that once this move is over, it's only a little more than a week, maybe two, before I get to see D again helps too.

Now, if the kids could just stop fighting...and if my house would pack itself...and if I could find a decent job...my life would be perfect. Oh, who am I kidding? It's pretty great as is.

Soooo.....

The kids brought home their report cards yesterday. C still has a D in math, which he knows I'm not happy about, but the rest of his grades are C's & B's, which although they could be better, I'll accept. Conduct is still S in all, so I'm proud of him for that. He's come quite a long way with his ADHD. J came home with all E's & S's, and S's in conduct. He's doing really great.

I had to get a new printer today. I discovered the other morning that my old one was not compatible with Vista. I checked, before I got my new computer, to make sure that all my different software would be compatible, never even thought about the stupid printer until I tried to print something out for the kids' teachers and it wouldn't print.

J had his field trip today, and he came home thrilled to death. The most exciting part of his day: a tie between milking the goat and petting the pig...on the butt. Kids are strange.

By the way, speaking of men, is anyone looking for a slightly clingy, unintentionally annoying, more than ready for a commitment kind of guy? Because I know one that I would just love to see him happy...with someone else.

Halloween Night and Creepy Guys

Halloween really wasn't that great this year. The local church was supposedly having "Trunk or Treat", but they didn't bother to list the time. So the kids missed that. The Haunted House toned down the scariness so much that the kids weren't the least bit impressed, and actually, I think they were quite bored with it. The Haunted Woods didn't start until too late, so they missed that. And there were 5 houses in our entire neighborhood that actually handed out candy, and one of those was my parents. The kids did get some candy, and had a little fun, but not as much as usual, and they were really disappointed that they didn't get to do as much as they usually do. This year was really a letdown.

As I've mentioned before, I keep getting a lot of liars responding to my profile online. Namely one who keeps lying about his age. Well, now he's gone from "liar" to "creepy desperate loser". I sent him a message pretty much calling him a liar, and he sends me a poem about how much he loves me and hates being so far away (a poem which a friend pointed out that he probably cut and pasted from somewhere, and he is probably right). That was really creepy. If someone called me a liar, my response would not be to profess my love for them. Especially if they were a stranger to me. So, I told the creepy desperate loser to leave me alone, and I've not heard from him since, so I'm hoping this was the last of him.

Well, it's late and I think I'm off to bed.

How Things Change

Before I had kids, dating was easy. I was free whenever I wanted to go out, and I could date guys who were of slightly iffy character, because I didn't have to worry about anyone but me. And I (stupidly in retrospect) thought that I could take care of myself just fine and had nothing to worry about.

My ex-husband changed all of that. Not just because he gave me the two kids that I now have to worry about, but because he was such a major *insert REALLY dirty word here* that my standards have gotten drastically higher.

While they are higher, I don't think my standards are really that much to ask. I want a man that is mentally stable (by mentally stable I mean don't tell me aliens are your best friend or that you're in love with me 5 seconds after we met). I want someone who actually wants to be with me, and is willing to give up other women to do so. Someone who can make me laugh, and who, although he might have the power to break my heart, won't actually do it just because he can. And is it really so much to ask that he be honest? And I don't just mean on the big things. If you're 28, tell me that. Don't lie and say you're 39. I mean, really. I can tell just by looking at you that you're not. And oh, if you're married, pass me by. I know what it's like to be the wife sitting at home thinking my husband is out with his "buddy" while in reality he's banging the bartender at his favorite bar. Now, I'm not a bartender, but I refuse to play her role in your version.

My friends keep telling me that I can find guys who meet these standards. I hope they're right. E is certainly nice enough, so they're probably right. But E and I are only going to be friends, I think. I did just start talking to someone else, and so far, he seems really nice. We've only had a couple of conversations so far, though, so we'll see.

And on another note, if you want a really good laugh, find a 6 yr old boy and teach him to sing "Superfreak". J heard this on the Visa commercial the other day, and for the last week has run around the house singing, "She's a superfreak, superfreak, she's superfreaky". It might not be entirely appropriate, but it is completely hilarious.

Halloween

My sons have decided that this year, they want to be lizards for Halloween. Not only that, but they want me to MAKE the costumes. Do you know the enormity of this task? The easiest I can find is using a pillowcase and even that one does not sound as simple as I would like. Why can't children pick easy things to be, like a hobo (I can throw old clothes on them, let them roll around in the dirt and there we are), or a vampire or something?

This weekend, we are going to the local farm for their Fall Fun Nights. They have a hay maze, a reptile exhibit in the barn, a moonlight hayride, and some other really interesting things. The boys are excited beyond belief at the thought of going to the farm after dark, wandering a maze and riding through a cow pasture, smelling manure and looking at the moon. My mom is going to go with us, since my ankle is not yet 100%. I need a little back up in case something happens.

Then, on Halloween, or rather the day before, we are going to go to a haunted house that is being held here in town. This I am a bit nervous about, I will admit. Wandering in the dark, thru a maze, with someone who doesn't know I've been injured intentionally trying to scare me. Yeah, that sounds like a recipe for disaster. Yet, I will do it, for my children. It is amazing the lengths we go to to make our children happy and keep them entertained.

There's also a haunted woods being hosted by a local cub scout troop, but I am very hesitant about that one. Wandering in the woods with someone intentionally trying to scare me sounds even more disasterous than the maze. Maybe next year.

Thursday night, we have a school function to go to. They serve dinner, and then they are going to talk to us about helping our kids read and give us tips on helping them get excited and wanting to read. This will be the 4th time I've gone, and frankly, I'm a little tired of it. It's the same stuff every year. But, the boys get very excited about eating dinner at school, and since it's a meal that I don't have to cook, we go. One year, they had a little fair outside, with a bouncy house, an inflatable slide, fire truck, and the county sheriff's helicopter. That was much more fun than the typical. Unfortunately, we're back to the typical.

They have a new principal at the school this year. Mr. Z retired at the end of the last school year. I only met him once, or maybe twice, but he certainly seemed involved and to care about the students. This new principal, Mr. C claims to care about the school, and the students, and to listen to your concerns. I personally doubt his sincerity. It's difficult to put into words, but when I had to meet with him a couple of weeks ago about my concerns with my son's homework and his substitute teacher, I felt very strongly that although his words indicated concern and that he would try to eliminate my concerns, that his intention was to simply get me out of his office. As I told a friend of mine later that afternoon, one who also has a student there and who doesn't like Mr. C, I'll let it go for now, but the moment I think my son's education is being impacted by this man and his seeming lack of concern, I will be back in that school, and I will make sure something is done, even if it ends up being that I remove my children from that school and send them somewhere else or homeschool them. I don't want to resort to that, I love this school and so far, I have always felt my children were getting an above average education there, considering FCAT and all the other things that inhibit teachers from giving a real education, but I will not have my children suffer under the rule of a principal that doesn't truly care about his students and is only in it for the politics.

I've gotten a few responses to my online dating profile. And I've responded to a few profiles on my own. We'll see where things go. It helps if they're honest with me about facts, like you know...age, marital status, having kids. I mean, do you really think when you're 28 and you tell me that you're 39 that I won't eventually find out? And while I'm flattered that you are so interested in me, you're willing to lie and make yourself older in order to get my attention, I'm not THAT flattered.

Dating is hard when you have kids...

So, as I mentioned in my previous post, I've begun dating again. Well...sort of. I am talking to someone, call him E, but we've yet to have an actual "date". I don't think it's for lack of trying though. He tries to ask me out, but he does it at the last minute, which is not a good thing when you have kids. I can't just pick up and go, although pre-kids, I would have.

Anyway, last night is a good example. We were chatting online and then decided to chat on the phone instead. It was about 8pm. We were chatting, and then he asked me if I'd had dinner yet. I said yes, because the kids and I had eaten early. He then said he was getting ready to make some pasta with shrimp. He was trying to ask me to dinner, but since it was last minute, I'd already eaten and getting a sitter would have proven...well, impossible.

He's very nice, and he expresses a real interest in me. I hate it when men try to "play it cool" and pretend they aren't interested. That just drives me nuts. He has a stutter, which although mildly distracting, I also find rather sweet and attractive. But we do seem to have that stumbling block of him not really getting it that I have kids and can't just pick up and go at the drop of a hat. So, we'll see.

And on another note, I found out today that my ex-husband is engaged. This is not distressing news to me, although he and his ego probably think it is or should be. I actually find it rather amusing. I almost (key word here being "almost") feel sorry for her. She has no idea what she is getting herself into. This actually could be a very good thing for me, and my children, because if he marries her and focuses on having children with her, he will not bother to come around and try to influence my children. Some people would say that I am wrong for feeling this way, but when you look at his past history, and the kind of person he is, I have very strong, valid reasons for not wanting him to be an influence on my sons. And anything that gets him going the opposite direction from us is something that I welcome.

The weather has cooled off considerably this weekend, and although it will not last, I welcome it. It is beautiful, and I love being able to sit outside while the kids play without feeling like I could be served with potatoes and carrots for dinner. In fact, right now it is 12:10pm and only 58 degrees outside. Lovely!

And on that note, I think I will take the kids outside.