Check out the new website

So D & I had done a bit of talking, and we decided that if I was going to get serious about my writing, having a website would be a really great idea. So, I've created my own website. You can find it at www.wendymillerwrites.com.

I'll be posting articles on various topics, as well as some of my poetry, and eventually stories that I will be writing.

Aside from the website, not a whole lot of news right now. D is still loving his job, and the company really seems to be an outstanding company to work for. We're both really happy with how things are going so far, and hope it stays that way.

The boys are doing great. Grades are improving dramatically for both of them. They're being assigned more chores and getting some more privileges, and their behavior seems to be improving quite a bit.

Oh, there is one bit of news. I posted on here several months ago about my friend who was in a bad marriage. She finally left her husband last week. He got violent (thankfully didn't touch her or her son), and she finally decided it was enough. I hate the fact that it had to go that far before she got out, but I am very glad that she is finally getting out. She is still secondguessing herself and trying to figure out if she did the right thing, so I'm pretty much just being supportive and constantly reminding her that she did do the right thing.

That's about it for now. Check out the new site and tell me what you think.

Forgot to update some stuff...and have new news!

So, a couple of posts ago, I mentioned having a job interview...and then I never told you anything more.

I had my interview; it took two and a half hours. The man really liked to talk. :) A couple of days later, he did offer me the job. However, I had to decline because the money and hours just were not enough to be worth it, considering that the hours were only 15 per week, but they were 15 hours that would require me to pay for childcare. He then emailed me to offer me slightly more pay but no change in hours. I had to decline again. But I must say...it certainly boosted my confidence to know he wanted to hire me that badly.

On to other news...I've still been doing ChaCha. I've found some tips and tricks to make a bit more money at it. I still don't know that I can ever make enough for it to truly provide anything for us, but it's money coming in anyway.

And the best news is that I've been accepted as an Examiner on examiner.com. What's that? Well, in their own words, I'm a locally based citizen journalist. I will be posting articles on their website several times a week. My title right now is Special Needs Kids Examiner, but eventually I'll have the option of picking up other titles, which I plan to do. This one really doesn't pay much, at least not in the beginning, but this is one that I will do just for the sheer pleasure of it. Although finding time for pleasurable activities is becoming increasingly difficult, what with how time consuming ChaCha is, and helping the boys with homework, and attempting to keep up with housecleaning (yeah, that's kind of gone by the wayside right now), and somewhere in there, trying to find time to sleep.

The boys had their doctor appointment Monday afternoon. C is doing much better now that he's on his new dose. And I talked to the doctor about increasing J's dose, explaining the things I've noticed that lead me to believe his meds aren't working. The doctor agreed, and we increased his dose. He started it Tuesday morning, and he seems to be doing much better now. They had their well child checks while we were there, and as expected, they are both perfectly healthy.

D started his new job Monday. He's back on the open road now, and he couldn't be any happier. He truly loves doing it, and I'm so happy he finally was able to get back to it. I miss him, of course, but knowing that he's doing something he loves makes it easier.

That's about all for now.

On a completely unrelated note...Have you seen the video for Sugarland's new song "Stuck Like Glue"? Am I the only one who thinks those two pull of the crazy stalker act a little too well? lol

Yawn...

So, yeah, might not be the best time to do this, but...oh, well.

So, D got a new job. He got the call Thursday that an OTR company that runs TCU (temperature controlled units aka refrigerated trucks) wanted to hire him. Friday they called and told him he was going to start today. They have a terminal less than 100 miles from here, so he was able to leave this morning. Early this morning. Like up at 5:30 early this morning. Yeah...I'm tired.

We had a great weekend though. Took D to Fantasy of Flight for his birthday. He and the boys loved it. Not that I didn't have a good time as well, but it was definitely  more of a guy thing. It was very cool to see all those different planes, though.

We stopped at a local mexican restaurant on the way home for dinner. That was also wonderful. Great food, ran into some friends we haven't seen in a while, very relaxing. Then when we left, J whacked his head on a wall and gave himself a minor head wound. Bled like crazy, but he's ok. That kinda put a slight damper on the day, but not much.

Then yesterday, D & I went and packed up his stuff and stuck it in storage, and got the stuff he needed for the truck. We also hit Walmart and did J's birthday shopping. Came home and had dinner, and watched some TV. I'd hoped we'd get to bed early since we had to get up so early, but we still ended up being up until about 10:30. We had to pack his bag, and make sure he had everything he needed.

The alarm went off at 5:30, and I sooo did not want to get up. We ended up laying there for another 15 minutes or so before we finally got up and got moving. I tried to go back to bed after he left, but I couldn't sleep. I'd been awake too long, and the boys got up about a half hour later.

I miss him already, but we'll be ok. He's in orientation now, and by Wednesday morning, he'll be heading out. He's so much happier now. He's not more rested just yet, but he will be.

We're working on things, figuring out how we want to handle everything and get done things we need to get done.

C started his new dose of medication, and there has been quite an improvement. His behavior and attitude are obviously better, but his grades are also increasing. His teacher did tell me that he has 3 D's right now on his progress report, which is unacceptable and he knows it, but they are high D's and the teacher seems to expect them to continue rising. And since I know what he's capable of, I know they will.

Both boys have a doctor's appointment this afternoon. For C, it is a follow up to see how the new dose is doing and also his yearly well child check. For J, it is the well child check, and I'm also going to be talking to the doctor about whether we should increase his dose. His problem is not so obvious grade wise, but in terms of behavior. He gets way cranky in the afternoon and evening, the pill doesn't seem to be as effective for him. He gets in trouble at school for touching other kids and their stuff, for talking too much, for getting out of line, for not doing his classwork properly or for racing ahead of the rest of the class and then getting the work wrong. He comes home and he argues with me, with his brother. He doesn't listen.

Things are improving all the way around. I'm just hoping they stay that way.

Now....I'm off to try to take a nap. Good night...

I'm so excited!!

I don't even know where to start.

The really exciting news....I have a job interview! I've been looking for work for 2 years now. There's been nothing. But, we desperately need me to find something, because D's job just doesn't pay enough for me to stay at home, and the otr thing isn't happening right now.

So Friday morning, I posted a "seeking" ad on a local website, letting potential employers know that I was looking for work. Friday evening, I got a call. That same evening, I emailed my resume to him, and he emailed me an application and an overview of duties and such.

Saturday morning, I'd sent the application back, and last night, he emailed me a 21 page document listing, in detail, the job duties, along with step by step instructions on how to do them. Late last night, he emailed to set a time for the interview.

I am very, very hopeful about this. I have to think that he wouldn't be this quick on everything, or sending me information about the job that is this detailed, if it weren't very likely that I'd get the job. I could be wrong, but I'd rather think positively.

The boys are doing ok. I think J is about to need his med dose upped, as his brother did recently. They both have their appointment next Monday, so we'll discuss it with the doctor then.

D's birthday is tomorrow. Saturday, we're celebrating and he'll get his present. I think he'll really like it; it's something he's wanted for a while. I know the boys are going to enjoy it, too.

Well...I started working on this post this morning, and then I got distracted...well, not distracted, but I had to get some things done. So, I set this aside and got stuff done. During that time period, I've had yet another potential employer respond to my seeking ad. So, now I have two potential jobs in the works. I've gone from having no job prospects and no real hope of finding any to maybe having 2 to choose from. I definitely feel like life is beginning to look up for me.

I had begun to feel as though my depression might be returning. I was finding it very hard to get much of anything done, and it seemed like everything I tried to do ended up turning out all wrong. Now, D & I are doing better, things seem to be improving with the boys, and I should have a job very, very soon. D & I will quickly have the money saved up to move in together. I'm beginning to feel quite happy again.

Things are better. This is good.

So....yeah

A couple of weeks ago, D & I were supposed to meet at a local defunct limestone quarry. It's up for sale, and he had some ideas that he wanted to take a look around and determine if they would work.

On my way to meet him there, a car got in front of me, and decided at the very last second that he was going to turn left right in front of me. This turn required him to slam on his brakes. He had no brake lights, and no turn signal. So I had no warning he was going to do this until my car was nearly making love to his bumper...actually making love is too nice. We know what term should go here.

I could not go out around him as there were other cars there, so I did the only thing I could: slam on my brakes and hope like hell I wouldn't hit him. Well, in this process, I ended up skidding and ended up in the grassy median, facing back in the direction I'd come from. No one was hurt, nothing was damaged. After taking a moment to calm down (and finish cussing the jerk who caused it), I went on and met D. We had a very nice afternoon at the quarry, by the way.

So, anyway, after this little fiasco, I noticed one day that my car seemed very...bumpy. If I was going 20-30 mph, I felt like I was horseback riding. If I went faster than 50, it felt more like, uh...well, let's just say if I were alone in the car, it could have been a lot of fun, shall we? :)

I  mentioned this to my dad, and he commented that when I skidded, I may have "flatspotted" my tires. This is apparently where the rubber gets flattened in one spot when you skid. This, it seems, makes for a bumpy ride much like I was getting.

He didn't seem overly concerned, so I wasn't overly concerned. The consensus seemed to be that the ride would be bumpy, but eventually the tread would wear to match the flatspot and things would be fine.

Yeah...that didn't exactly happen. What happened was that yesterday, I noticed that it seemed to be getting worse. But I thought that perhaps I was simply paranoid, or overly anxious or whatever. Then, this morning, I was certain it was worse. I had come to the conclusion that if D & I felt we could afford it, I was simply going to go get the tires changed, because the bumpiness was beyond annoying. And I was getting somewhat concerned.

Then I left to pick the boys up from school (it was an early day today). I knew then that it was worse, as it got louder. I pulled over to check the tires; everything appeared to be fine. I got back in the car, and pulled back onto the road. I hadn't gone more than maybe 10-20 feet before I heard the bang and pulled back over. I opened my door and before I even got out, I saw the shredded tire and the metal cords inside it.

I was very lucky in that my friend Carolyn drove by, and took me to the school to pick up the boys. My mom came and helped me change the tire, and then I went to our excellent local tire shop and got two tires put on the car. Two hundred and eleven dollars later, my car no longer feels like I'm riding a horse. And I can hear the radio again.

So, yeah, this was not a good day.  I spent money we can't afford to spend, spent time I didn't have on the side of the road, and ended up having something completely different for dinner than I'd planned (since dinner was kind of complicated and I didn't feel like dealing with it).

I had one drink to ease the stress, and now I'm sleepy. Off to watch America's got Talent and then go to bed.

Regardless of what you think, I have thought about this

So, my ex has started (for the time being anyway) making regular, albeit smaller than ordered, child support payments again. Now, my mother is worried that he will call, wanting to see the boys.

I'm not worried. I know he won't call. I know him. He doesn't want the responsibility of kids. That's why he disappeared in the first place. Honestly, I never expected to hear from him in any way, shape, or form ever again. He filed, and then withdrew, to modify the child support. When you read that sentence, read that he filed and then withdrew to try to get the child support lowered, because that's really what it was about. And I'm 99% certain that that's also the only reason why he's now paying child support. And I'm relatively certain that once he figures out a way to get out of it again, the payments will again disappear.

In the process of what was supposed to be a small discussion about this matter, my mother got upset that C told a friend of his that they (my boys) didn't have a dad. Well, no, that's not quite right. She's upset that I didn't immediately correct C on this matter. She feels that I should have told him that he does in fact have a dad and given him all kinds of details about him.

Now, look, we all know I hate my ex. It's pretty much a given. And the fact that I hate him and complain on here about him from time to time is a large part of why I try to keep this as anonymous as possible, so my sons will never associate it with us.

But regardless of how much I hate him, I would never try to interfere in his relationship, if he had one or wanted one, with my sons. HOWEVER, this fact does not mean that I feel it necessary to make him a continued daily presence in my home and my life.

The fact is, 5 years ago, he chose to walk out on my sons. He chose to eliminate himself from their lives. I don't know why; he never bothered to even tell me he was going to walk away. My sons do not remember him walking out on them. They do not ask questions about him; they do not talk about him. That is their choice, not mine.

I do not try to hide him or pretend he does not exist. But I do not think that bringing him up to two boys who don't ask about him is a good idea. To me, it's cruel. I think it would be cruel to continually bring up a father who doesn't come to see them, doesn't call/write/email, and has essentially pretended they don't exist for the last 5 years.

When they ask (and yes, I say when...they will ask one day), I will answer their questions about their father. I will not lie to them, I will not tell them half truths. But I also will not deliberately hurt them.

When they ask why he doesn't come see them, I will tell them that it's because he doesn't know how to be a father. This upsets my mother. She thinks that's lying, because she says we can't know his reasons. No, we can't know his reasons.

But regardless of what she thinks, I have given this statement a lot of thought. It's the most truthful answer I can give them that doesn't leave room for them to think it's their fault.

If I tell them I don't know, they will think I am saying that because I don't want to tell them the truth. They will think I am lying. I refuse to allow that.

If I tell them he's too busy, he doesn't want to come, or anything like that, they will find a way, as children do, to think that that means something is wrong with them, that they did something wrong or bad or that he didn't like, that he doesn't love them.

I'll be damned if I'm going to do that to them.

Telling them he doesn't know how to be a father puts the blame squarely where it belongs: on him.  Not knowing how to do something is no one's fault but your own.

Is it possible that I'm wrong? Of course. There may be an angle to that statement that I haven't seen yet, that will allow them to think it's their fault. There may be other aspects to it that I haven't seen yet that make it wrong.

But I'm doing the best I can here to make sure my sons grow up happy, healthy, and not screwed up by the fact that I divorced their father. I'm not perfect. I've made mistakes, and I'll make more.

I'm doing what I think is right. If it turns out I'm wrong, then I'll deal with it. Just know that I have thought about it, and I really do believe I'm doing the right thing.

...........

So, I started two different posts this week, intending to publish both, and then reaching a point where I stopped for one reason or another. We'll see if this one makes publication.

C has a doctor's appointment this afternoon. His meds are not working, at all. I may have to pay for the meds myself, since I don't think the insurance will cover it because I just filled the Rx for the old dosage a week or so ago. But it needs to be done, even if I do have to pay for it myself. His grades are suffering badly, as well as everything else in his life.

D's made trainer at his current job. It doesn't really pay any extra, but he loves teaching others how to drive, so it's a good thing. He's still hoping to get on with this other company, but we'll see how it goes. He's still not thrilled with the place he's at now, but now that he's a trainer, he's a little happier.

J's teacher has seen me a couple of times now, and has told me that J is doing a great job: he listens really well, he pays attention and follows directions, and his grades are excellent.

I'm still trying to figure out how to make some money. The ChaCha thing is doing so-so, it doesn't look like the photography business is really going to take off, and there's just no jobs out there.

I'm sure there's other stuff I meant to talk about, but for now...my brain won't cooperate. So I'm off.

I'm pissed!

So, I'm standing in line at the grocery store this morning. Every Friday, I drop the kids off at school, and then immediately hit the store at the godawful hour of 7:30ish, to avoid the crowds that congregate later.

First, I get stuck standing in line behind a family of three: mom, dad, and little boy. And it seems they like to stand in the checkout line and argue, debate pricing strategy with the cashier, and oh yeah...get the wrong size of everything and run it all back one at a time to get the right size...all while I stand in line behind them with milk getting warm and butter starting to get to room temperature, because there's no other line open. *sigh*

I finally get close enough to put my stuff on the belt. As I wait semi-patiently for them to finish, I start scanning the covers of the various trash magazines that grace the checkout line. I always roll my eyes at the ridiculous headlines, and the only way I ever read those magazines is if someone I know buys them and passes them on to me for whatever reason. Hey, it's free reading material...and I can't survive without something to read.

Then I look at the cover of Us Weekly. On the cover is a picture of some brunette girl with a baby in her arms. The headline reads Teen Mom: I'm Broke. Ummm...why is this newsworthy? There are single moms all over, both teen and otherwise, that are broke. Why, exactly, is this one so special? Oh, yeah, because she is apparently famous, had lots of money, and has now blown it and can't afford rent and food for her baby.

Look, I'm sorry, but I just can't muster any sympathy for this girl, whoever she is. I'm a 31 year old mother of two. I chose to wait until I was stable enough financially to have a child, and mature enough to raise it on my own. Later, my circumstances changed and yeah, now I'm a broke single mom. But I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me, and I certainly don't get to be on the cover of a magazine begging for said sympathy.

And what really gets me is that she had money. And blew it. I'm sorry...if you get money, and you're stupid enough to waste it all in today's economy, then you don't get sympathy. Why should we feel sorry for you for being an idiot? Why should we feel sorry for you when you got yourself knocked up? I know, I know, she's young, blah blah blah. Not an excuse anymore. Teenage pregnancy is not the big hush-hush secret it used to be; expectant moms don't get sent to the convent or off to live with Aunt Edith until after the baby's born, to return home claiming they went abroad for a year to expand their horizons. If you aren't smart enough to know that having sex can result in a baby...well, all the more reason you shouldn't be having sex.

And why doesn't she have enough dignity, enough pride, to NOT want to announce on the cover of a national magazine that she was stupid enough to waste the money she had and now can't care for her child? Didn't her mother ever teach her about responsibility? About doing what you need to do to take care of yourself and your child? Well, I guess that is expecting a lot from a mother who didn't seem to care enough to make sure her kid didn't waste all her money.

Ok...done ranting. Just had to get that off my chest.

So...D & I are doing pretty good now. Still not great, of course; that'll take time. But we're getting better and better with each day that passes. Looks like he'll be back otr pretty soon, which is good. The place he's currently working is absolutely horrible. This week alone, he had a powering steering line, an air line, and a tire blow...all in a 3 day period. And the owner claims it's the driver's fault if a tire blows. Not sure how exactly he came to that conclusion, but...whatever.

C is going to be getting on a higher dose of his meds. He's having massive trouble paying attention in class, and he's not doing so well here at home, either. So, I've got to call and get him an appointment in the next couple of weeks and get his dosage upped. Then, we'll see how it goes from there.

J is, as always, doing wonderfully. Great grades, great behavior, lots of friends, etc.

That's about it for now.

It's Friday! Not that that really means anything...

We made it through the first week of school. I'm pretty sure we're mostly intact. All the fingers and toes are still there...haven't checked brains yet.

C came home with homework again today. Even on Friday, they have homework. I'm finding this not  only ridiculous, but intrusive. I also have to wonder, with all the homework he's expected to do, when and what is he actually being taught while at school? I mean, *are* they actually teaching him anything? Or are they just acting as glorified babysitters for 6 hours a day? I know I'm just frustrated, and I realize they do teach him, and they do a lot. It just seems...I guess I feel if they were effectively doing their jobs, then the kids wouldn't need so much homework. And I'm all for parental involvement, I am very actively involved in my children's lives, both academically and otherwise. But I send them to school for a reason, a reason that I am rapidly beginning to think no longer applies. The point of sending them to school was to provide them with a teacher who, I thought anyway, could provide them with a better education than I could. Considering the amount of time I spend helping with homework, I'm beginning to think we'd all be better off if I just homeschooled the boys. It would probably take less time, as well.

I'm also discovering that working from home is not as simple as you might think. It might just be because having been out of work for so long, I've come to think of myself as a stay at home mom and therefore feel it is my responsibility to keep up the house. But I find that when I'm working, I feel like I should be doing housework. But if I stop working to do housework, then I think about how I should be working so I can make money. I think it's just a matter of finding my balance, figuring everything out and planning my day. It is only week one, after all. I can't expect everything to run smoothly right from the start...just like everything else, I've got to find the rhythm.

My friend Carolyn's son got C's old teacher for 1st grade. It was the teacher that Lukas had in 2nd grade. She's been moved to 1st this year. Carolyn is so please with her. The teacher is an amazing teacher. She's wonderful with kids at any grade level, and great with the parents, too. What I find odd is that there is another teacher that got moved to 1st grade this year, and she's not such a wonderful teacher. She's actually had numerous complaints filed against her, complaints that as far as we can tell no one has ever actually taken seriously and done anything about.

This particular teacher was heard on a mother's voicemail calling that mother's child a bastard, an asshole, and being told to shut up and sit down and several other horrible things that should never be said to a child. For that incident, she was suspended with pay for 2 weeks while they "investigated" and then reinstated with nothing in her record about what she had done. And this was with proof on voicemail! I don't know the details of the other incidents, but I don't really think I need to. Based on that one alone, she should have been fired. This was when she taught 2nd grade.

Another parent at the school questioned why this teacher was still there, given the incident I mentioned. This parent was told that they moved this teacher to 1st grade, to see how she does there, and if she doesn't do well, she'll be fired. Ummm.....huh? We have a teacher who was recorded on voicemail calling an older child horrible names and saying other horrible things, and now we're going to experiment with younger, more emotionally fragile children to see what she does? Please explain to me how this makes sense. Why do we want to expose children who are even more easily hurt and influenced, who are even more likely to take what this woman says to heart and believe there's truth in it, to her? That just completely boggles my mind. When I look at things like this, it suddenly makes perfect sense why our children learn nothing and why we are so far behind other countries educationally speaking. How can we expect our children to learn when the people in charge are complete blithering idiots?

I'm glad that J didn't get that particular teacher, otherwise the school and I would be having some serious issues right now.

Both boys seem to like their teachers very much, a fact for which I am very grateful. C is not happy with the homework his teacher assigns, and honestly neither am I. But as I've told him, his teacher assigned it, so he must do it.

Today's math homework for him was about figuring out appropriate numbers for a description. For example, was the number of people living in a particular state in the millions? He had to answer yes or no. I had to laugh when I saw the following:

Q: Does your math book have millions of pages?
A (exactly as he wrote it): YES!!!

Can you tell the boy hates math? Not that I blame him. In fact, I'm right there with him.

Calgon, Take Me Away!

I love my children. I really do. No, I'm not trying to convince you. I'm reminding myself.

School sucks. Homework sucks. Hey...did I tell you that school and homework suck? They do, you know.

C is in 4th grade this year. Each year, homework has increased. The teachers claim it's 10 minutes per day per grade level. So, first grade is 10 minutes, 2nd is 20 and so on. So, 4th grade is 40 minutes. C takes...roughly 2 hours. I frequently find myself wondering if C is just that much of a whiner and procrastinator? Or if the problem is his ADHD? Or if the problem really lies with the teachers. I once, when he was in 1st grade, sat beside him as he did his homework and did it mentally myself. The 10 minutes that it supposedly should take him...is how long it took me, an adult who knows this stuff. I highly suspect that the teachers do the homework, and decide that how long it takes them is how long it should take the kids. They don't take into account that the kids are still learning this stuff and will therefore take longer. And then, with mine, you throw in ADHD and you end up with...2 hours a day spent on homework.

J gets done much quicker. Which leads me to believe that a large part of C's problem is whining and procrastinating. J is in 1st grade, but when he does his homework, he's done in about 10 minutes. C never was when he was in 1st grade; he usually took about a half hour. J has always seemed to have a much easier time academically than C, though. I'm not sure why. They are both incredibly smart, and eager to learn. I don't understand why it is that C won't just buckle down and get the work done. D tells me that I need to be firmer and make him get it done, but he's never here when we do homework, so he doesn't understand that I am firm. I am firm, I do make him get it done, the problem is that he doesn't do it in a timely fashion. And I can only do so much without making the situation worse.

I can't really put a time limit on him. First, it's hard to impose a time limit on something like this, because there's really no way to know how long is reasonable, considering he does sometimes struggle. Second, putting a time limit on him applies more pressure. And he doesn't do so well under pressure, which means if I put him on a time limit, he's going to feel more stressed, and therefore have more trouble concentrating, and thus take longer to finish.

I can only hope that as the school year wears on, as we get back into the routine, that things will get better. I can only hope that he will get tired of not having any time to play outside, or even inside for that matter, and decide on his own to apply himself and get the homework done.

On the plus side, it looks like D will have this otr job. It'll suck with him being gone so much, but we might actually have more time for each other. Plus, we'll finally be able to get the money together to get our own place.

I have a couple of friends who have volunteered themselves and/or their children to be my models to help me get my photography business going. And working as a Guide for ChaCha, though somewhat boring, does seem as though it might start paying off.

That's about all there is for now. Time for me to go figure out what the heck I'm going to make for dinner tonight.

I just can't fricking win!

Every time it seems like things are starting to get better, they just have to go and get sh*tty again.

The kids were off their meds and taking herbs for their ADHD. Initially, I saw some improvement. Then, after a few days, there wasn't really any improvement, it was really about the same as on their meds. And a few days after that, it was as if there was nothing at all in their system. It was as if their ADHD was completely untreated. So, we've resorted to a combination of their ADHD meds and the herbs, which seems to be rather effective. I still wish the meds weren't necessary, but I just don't see a way around it right now.

I'm still having no luck with finding a job. There's just nothing out there. The rare occasion that I find something that *could* work, it ends up being part time or too far away for it to be feasible, or worse, both. I'd love to figure out a way to work from home, since that would save on childcare, gas, and so much else, but I just can't come up with anything that doesn't cost me money.

Living with my parents is...well, it's living with my parents. Not an ideal situation at all. They forget they are grandparents, and step all over me when it comes to the kids. They claim to not know they're doing it, and when I point it out, say they'll stop, but...nothing changes.

I'm just so fed up with my life right now. Nothing seems to go right for me. I've always been a rather optimistic person, and I keep trying to stay that way, but it's so hard. Every time it seems like I'm getting somewhere, I get knocked back, and further than I was before. I'm about ready to just give up.

Yet another update...

So, things are better and worse, depending on the particular thing.

We got the boys off the meds and totally on the herbal stuff. They seem to be doing pretty well on the herbal...about the same as on the meds. I think the true test will be once they go back to school next month, although I must admit to some trepidation about that.

As for D and I...He lost his job last month, and only just found a new one this week. None of it was his fault, but it made things very tough and tense for a while. They're better now, though. And, we still have another potential job in the works, one that actually provides a job for both of us. It's an apartment complex management deal, looking for a couple. Provides an apartment, paid utlities, 3 weeks vacation, and a salary. Ideal solution to all our problems, so we're really hoping. Keeps him home, too (as does the job he just found), which is a plus in my book. I love seeing him every day, although if he did have to go back on the road, I'd deal as I did before. But, as horrible as the whole situation has been, one good thing that seems to have come from it is that it really helped our relationship. Having this time together, being able to see each other and talk and just be close has really helped bring us closer. We're doing so much better than we have been.

Tomorrow, I'm visiting a couple of assisted living places nearby. D's father is older, and thinking it might be time. I told D, because he has to be to work at 4:30 in the morning, that I would check a couple of places out and get some info for him. We're not making any quick decisions on that, because if we get the apartment deal, we'll be relocating about an hour away from where we are now. His dad would like to be closer, so we want to wait and be fairly certain of where we're going to be before we move him and try to get him settled somewhere.

My family isn't doing so well, either, at the moment. One of my uncles (well, my dad's uncle actually), has cancer. He's had it for a couple of years now. He keeps going into remission and then it returns. Now he's to the point where he has to have frequent chemo, and he's been told that if he doesn't get it, he will die. This is the only brother my grandmother has left, and she's 80 years old, so this is particularly heartwrenching. I'm very afraid of what may happen to her if he dies. I fear she may fall into a major depression, which at her age and with her health, will be very bad for her. As if that weren't enough, my grandfather's brother had to have open heart surgery...I believe it was last week, maybe the week before. They wanted to inject a dye into his veins and arteries to check for blockage, and couldn't even do that. They immediately scheduled the surgery. He came through it fine, but he needs to lose about 75 lbs and change his diet, and that's just so they can do another surgery to finish trying to fix what's wrong with him.

Writing all this has made me realize...I'm old. lol Sounds silly, I know. But honestly, this made me realize it. I'm sitting her writing about all the people in my family who might die and how I'm looking at assisted living facilities for my (I hope) future father-in-law. This is not the kind of thing young people do. This is what grown ups - old grown ups - do.

Oh, one last little update: Hell has officially frozen over. Yes, it's true: my ex has made his first child support payment in 4 years! It's not the full amount, but it's a start. Do I think he's changed? No, not really. But if he's willing to make an effort, I'm willing to be open minded and see where it leads. I did get a letter a few weeks ago that he was requesting a modification of child support. And I was pissed, trust me. I had every intention of hauling his ass back into court and having him held in contempt and pushing hard for an increase. But now that he's done this...while I doubt he's changed, and I doubt it will last, I'm still going to keep an open mind and see what happens. Maybe, just maybe, he's finally grown up and will step up to the plate.

So, that's about it for now. I'm going to try to post more often now that things seem to be starting to smooth out around here.

Summer's Here

The kids are out of school for the summer, and have been for about 2 weeks now. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm about ready for them to go back. Ok, not really, but there are moments when I would give anything for a little break. D and I took them to Orlando for the afternoon on Friday. There's this really interesting store down there that carries...well, everything. Literally. They have this huge variety of different things, just kind of thrown in there randomly. It's actually quite cool. D could spend days there, I think and never get bored. And now, so could the boys. We stopped and had lunch on the way down. That part was...well, not so much fun. The guy taking our order kept asking the same questions over and over, clearly not listening to us. Then we all went to the bathroom, and discovered no soap in either of them. Think about this for a minute. The same bathroom the employees use...and no soap. All together now: EWWW!!!!

We're spending lots of time in the pool. The kids brought home a little card from school that gets them 2 free games of bowling every weekday during the summer. I paid for a family pass so that I can bowl with them. All we have to pay for is shoe rental, so that's a nice little thing we can do every now and then. And we're hopefully going to get together with a few different friends and their kids at local parks or whatever. We did have tentative plans to get together with a couple of my friends at a lake house belonging to one of the friend's friends. But...the lake is now teeming with bacteria, so no swimming. And if I can't swim in it, I don't see much point to going to the lake.

So...aside from last night, life is getting better. D and I are doing ok, the kids are doing pretty good. I'm trying them on some herbal stuff to see if I can get them off the meds for the ADHD. I am not happy with the meds, I feel it's too intrusive in their systems, and there's just too much that's unknown about what it might be doing to their bodies. I could try switching them to something else, but that's not any better. So, D and I discussed some various herbal remedies and we got them and are now trying them out. In the next day or two, I'm going to stop the meds and just go with the herbal and see what happens. Wish me luck.

Oh, and C got his FCAT scores in the mail last week. He scored above grade level all the way! Even in math!! That made me so proud of him. Knowing that even though he struggles with math, he's still above grade level eases my mind. I think he put too much pressure on himself and then I put even more pressure on him and it just made things worse. Having seen these results, I'm hoping that we'll both ease up next year and he'll do better.

Well, that's about all that's going on right now. I'll try to keep updating, but I have little time to do much of anything these days, with two little boys constantly asking can we go outside, can we go outside, can we go outside? You know how if you say a word too many times, it starts to lose its meaning and not even sound like word anymore? Yeah, the words "can we go outside" have reached that point.

Quick update

The kids...we're getting there. School's about to be out for the summer, so I guess we'll see how things go. D and I had been discussing trying the boys on some various herbs for their ADHD, which I have ordered. I am now waiting for them to arrive so I can try the boys on them and see how they do. We agreed they have to come off the meds slowly, and that if the herbs don't work, we'll put them back on the meds. But I'm really hopeful the herbs will work, and D is confident they will.
We found a few different houses (well, I found them, since he's on the road) that we think will work. One house is absolutely ideal, because it is 2 houses down from my parents. So the kids would be in the same school, same neighborhood, and still be able to see their grandparents on a very regular basis. Doesn't get any better than that. Let's hope D and I can get it. It also would be great because even though D wouldn't be able to park the truck at home, he would at least be able to continue parking it where he does now. No need to find a new place to park.

School's out tomorrow. One last half day and they're free. Which means Mommy is imprisoned. Ok, not really. Actually, I have various plans in the works with several different friends. Hopefully that'll keep us pretty busy and get us out of the house frequently. Between that, and when D gets home, hopefully we should find plenty to do so I won't have to hear a lot of "Mom, I'm bored!" over the next two and a half months.

So...that's what's up right now. I'll come back when I can and keep you posted. For now, things are ok and getting better, so just keep hoping for us on all fronts.

Oh, and just for laughs:

J: Mom, how old are you?

Me: I'm 31.

J: Wow! I'm never gonna be that old!

Thanks, son. I'll remember that the next time you want me to get you a cookie or something:

Me(quavering old woman voice): I'm sorry, J. I'm too old to get you a cookie.

Just....blah

I've been feeling very....blah lately. I don't know that depressed is quite the right word for it, but I suppose it might be close. I have no real idea why I'm feeling like this. I know of a couple of things that have happened that could contribute to me feeling down, but I'm not sure to this extent.

I've kind of started to feel...disconnected from everything, from everyone. It's kind of hard to explain. It's not a completely disconnected feeling, more like...like I'm out of sync with everything. Almost like I'm a step behind, or maybe I'm a step ahead. I can't really tell.

The kids had Spring Break. We didn't go anywhere, just hung out at home. But they got to spend pretty much all day, every day outside. That thrilled them to no end. The weather was absolutely gorgeous. The weather is still beautiful; and now that it gets dark later, they are getting to spend a lot of time outside. They love it. Honestly, so do I, but if we could get rid of the mosquitoes, I'd love it even more.

I really have nothing to blog about right now. I felt like I needed to post something, since it's been a while, but there's really nothing to say right now. I feel like my life is falling apart, and I'm just not able to think of anything to do here. I know my feelings are ridiculous and not true, nothing is wrong in my life. I'm just in some stupid funk right now, and I wish it would go away.

No need for the "If all your friends jumped off a bridge" speech...

So, D was home last week. It was a nice time...until an hour or so after we got home. J said he was going in the house to go to the bathroom. After he'd been in there long enough for me to suspect that he might, in fact, be getting into something, I go to check on him. The phone rings, and since there's an extension in the garage, where we were, I asked D to go check on J while I grab the garage extension. When I answer, this is what happens:

Me: Hello?

Woman: Yes, ma'am, this is the ******* county Sheriff's Department. We received a 911 call.

Me: Silence.

Woman: From this number.

Me: Uh...that's impossible. My entire family is out..."

I run up to the porch where J is in the chair and D is standing there looking at me as I come running.

Me: J, did you just call 911?

J nods.

Me: Oh my god, ma'am. I'm so sorry. My 6 yr old son got hold of the phone and dialed it. Nothing is wrong.

Woman: That's ok, ma'am. A deputy will be out to do a well-being check.

I flipped out. D kept telling me to relax, but all I could do was flip out. The deputy came, and he was very nice about it, kept telling me to stop apologizing, but I just couldn't believe J would do that.

So, when I finally calmed down enough, I asked J why he did it. His response: because my friend told me to call 911. So....we don't need to have the "If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?" speech later. Instead, we'll just have the "Do you remember when you called 911 because your friend told you to?" speech. I think it'll be much more effective.

On an unrelated note, I got into a debate in my mommy groups tonight. It started out as a discussion and ended up as a debate. It was a rather simple topic, and I still don't see why it turned into such a debate. Basically it was about being a stay at home mom when you are with a man who is not the biological father of your children. My opinion was that yes, I would love nothing more in life than to be a stay at home mom with my children, but that I feel very odd about the idea of allowing my boyfriend to support me and my children. I feel a sense of responsibility that makes it hard to think that's ok. It's not a new sense of responsibility, just different, than when I was with their father. When I was with SD, it was a simple matter of they were his kids, too, and it was his job to take care of them. With D, it's not like that. They're not his kids, so they're not his responsibility. If he wanted to take on that responsibility (which, I will grant, in some ways, he does), fine, but it still would feel odd to me. The best way I can think of to describe it is that it feels to me like being lazy. By allowing him to work and support me and my children, even if I am taking care of the house and all, would feel to me like I am being lazy.

The debate began, and I suppose I should mention that I use the word debate loosely, because a woman who is considerably older than I and the other mother that shared my opinion, told us we were crazy. She is 68 yrs old, and of the opinion that a man should take care of women and children, whether they are biologically his or not. Of course, the majority of her argument consists of telling us we are crazy. Another mother got into the debate by telling us we should "get over it". I just find it intriguing that these women have no issue with letting a man take care of them. As I said, I would love to be a stay at home mom, but for me, the way I was raised, I find it hard to embrace the idea of seemingly sitting back and just letting my boyfriend bust his butt to take care of us when we are not his responsibility. I don't know, maybe I do need to just get over it, but it's just how I feel.

And on that note, I'm off to bed.

Oh...where to begin...

So the last couple of weeks have been...interesting, shall we say? We went to an outdoor birthday party last Sunday...and it stormed. Oh, that was fun. Kids banging away on a piñata (one that strangely enough made a metallic clanging sound if they hit it right), while all around us thunder boomed, lightning flashed, and the rain blew sideways under the pavilion roof at us. Yay!

Wednesday was a half day at school, and it was another fun day. I had a doctor's appointment in the morning, only an hour and a half before the end of school. I was lucky enough to get there early, and they were able to get me in early. But then...the boys had appointments for eye exams that afternoon. And all that time I saved in the morning...was lost. And then some. Three hours for eye exams. The only plus to that was that their eyes haven't really changed. Which is good, but also makes it all the more frustrating that we were three for THREE hours!

But, the really exciting news is: J is done with speech therapy! They scheduled a meeting for last Thursday at the school, and when I went in, they told me he'd met all his goals, and was graduating from speech therapy. That absolutely made my week. I am so proud of him. He worked so hard and tried so much to overcome the impairment and he did it. He still can be hard to understand when he gets very excited or if he is very upset, but if you tell him to calm down and tell you again, he will. He also will stop and think while he's talking to make sure he uses the right word and says it clearly. It's a technique they taught him to cope with the speech impairment, but he's really taken it to heart and it makes a huge difference to how he speaks.

They are having the World's Fair at school next month. This is something they do every year. Each classroom does a different country, and they do all kinds of little projects to display, and they learn tons of little facts about the country their class is working on, and on the night of the fair, they always learn a fact or two about all the other countries, in order to get a stamp on their "passport". It's a wonderful learning experience, both for the kids and the parents. J's class is doing the United States. His teacher always tries to get a picture postcard from each state. They almost had all of them last year. This year...well, she's going to have quite a few. With D being a truck driver, I've enlisted him to help with this little project. I figure he's the ideal person to help us get a lot of postcards. J's teacher is quite excited at the prospect. I figure J will be excited when he begins receiving the postcards.

Some of my friends at the school and I have been contemplating how to get rid of the principal. The school has gone downhill in a serious way since he took over this year. He's alienating the parents, and doing nothing for the kids. There is a substitute teacher that is terrorizing the kids, the daughter of one of my friends in particular, and the principal is doing nothing to stop it. D has offered to create a website on which we could start a petition to try to get rid of the principal. If things continue, though, I think it may come down to a bunch of parents getting together and just going directly to the school board to demand he be fired.

Well, there's other stuff going on, but I'm tired and my brain just isn't functioning right now. Oh, wait, there is this:

We were at the eye doctor, waiting for them to be called back for their exams. C had found this plant and plucked a piece off of it. While he played with it, it broke apart into several smaller pieces. C held some in the palm of his hand, came over to me, hand outstretched, and said, "Here, Mom, have some weed."

I couldn't even speak, could barely breathe, I was laughing so hard. Then, once I was under control, all I could think was that I hoped no one had heard, because how could I explain that he had no idea what he was saying, and how would I convince someone that he hadn't heard that at home? Thankfully, no one heard. But I will never forget the day my son unwittingly tried to make his first sale...by offering a sample.

I wonder if I can do it...

Well, C & J's friend is back at school this week, after his surgery. I was very happy to see him, and his mom. Her and I have had a couple of wonderful conversations this week. One of which, in combination with other things, have led D & I to thinking about making some very major changes with the boys.

As I believe I've mentioned before, Caroline and I have real issues with the principal at the school. We are not the only ones. It seems there are a lot of parents that don't like him, and even a couple of teachers don't like him. Since he took control, the school has changed drastically, and not for the better. When D & I first began discussing the idea of moving in together, I was adamant that I wanted us to live in this school zone, so that the boys could continue attending this school. Now, I'm not so sure.

The people in the offices have gone from being friendly, happy, kind and always helpful to cold, distant, and acting as though you are interfering with their day by coming into the school. As a parent, I do occasionally have cause to go to the school: a meeting regarding J's speech therapy (more on this later!), the book fair, a question for the teacher regarding homework, a conference to assess how the kids are doing. All valid reasons, in any reasonable person's opinion. But if you come in to this school, they would look at you like you came in and asked what color the sky is.

The kids can't talk in class. Understandable. They are there to learn, to do classwork, and they can't do that if they are chatting away. But now, the dean of discipline has decided they can no longer talk during lunch. Now, parents who homeschool are always told they should send their kids to school so they can socialize. Well...if they can't talk during class, and they can't talk during lunch, when exactly are they going to socialize? On the 5 minute walk to the car?

Caroline and I joked about starting a petition to get the principal removed. It started as a joke anyway. We agreed that with our luck, he'd find out we did it and our kids would be treated even worse. But, when I mentioned it to D, he actually had some really good suggestions for how we can do it and not have the fallout be on our kids. Caroline and I are still discussing and trying to determine if we really want to do this.

Regardless of what we do with that, though, D & I are seriously considering homeschooling the boys starting next year. With as bad as this school has gotten, and being uncertain that any other school would really be any better, homeschooling is sounding more and more like a good option. We can teach the boys on their own schedule, moving them forward or sticking on a topic as needed for them, instead of as needed for the slowest kid in the class, which may or may not be C & J.

Another thought behind this is that I think a large part of C's problem is that he is bored. He is very smart, and I think he just gets bored and doesn't put forth the same effort that he would if he wasn't bored. It's something I used to do. My dad did it as well. So did D. Homeschooling would eliminate this boredom, again because we'd be teaching them at their own individual level.

They would, quite possibly, spend less time in "school" than they do now. All the research I've done so far indicates that most homeschooled kids spend 3-5 hours a day on school related things, as compared to the more than 6 hours that the boys are currently doing, and then still come home and do homework. We would be able to do fun activities that would count as school activities, such as going to the zoo, or a museum, things like that. And we could go on days when everyone else is in school, therefore finding it less busy and more fun for us.

The only real drawback we've found so far is that all indications are that I can't homeschool and work fulltime. D apparently had already realized this, but I had not. I expressed concern that we might not be able to make it on just his income indefinitely, but he says that although it would be tight, we could make it work. I trust him, and I trust his judgment, so I'm going to hope he's right.

So, now, my last hesitation is wondering if I can really do this. Not just if I can teach them the things they need to learn (which I am fairly certain I can; and what I can't cover, D can), but if I can handle basically never having a break from them. Not that I don't love them and love spending time with them. But when they are in school, I get the house clean, laundry done, and some me time. Some time during which I can watch a little TV, read a book, do a word search, play around online, and just relax a bit. That will disappear if I am homeschooling. Granted, they are old enough to help with household chores, and in all honesty, they are probably old enough to do their own laundry (or C is, at any rate). Being a stay at home mom was always my dream, and when I stayed home when C was younger, I loved it. But C was younger. He was cool to just sit on the floor or in his playpen and play with toys while I cleaned up a bit. He took naps, so I had that time to read or watch TV. No more naps, and with two of them, there's always a fight over toys and such.

Fortunately, we still have several months to do more research and discuss it before we make a final decision. I want to make sure we do the right thing. I want the boys to have the best possible education, whether that is from a public school, private school or homeschool. And I don't think that going back and forth between homeschooling and regular school is really going to provide them with the best possible education. We have to decide on one and stick with it for the long haul.

The good news, though, is that yesterday I got a Meeting Participation Form from the school. This is what I usually get at the beginning of the year when we meet to evaluate where J is and what we expect to accomplish this year with his speech therapy. The reason given on this one is change in placement. I'm very hopeful that this means they will tell me he's met all his goals and no longer needs speech therapy. He has made amazing strides over the last year and a half. He still gets overly excited and becomes hard to understand. Or if he cries, you can't really understand him. But in an average conversation, he speaks clearly now.

Things are looking up, all the way around.

Singing in the rain...er, shower

So, C has developed a new...talent? hobby? interest? Something like that, anyway.

When he's in the shower, he likes to sing. I don't mean Madonna "Papa Don't Preach" type singing. I mean, making up his own songs singing. It's quite entertaining for those of us on the outside. Today's concert started out with a quiet version of "help me, help me, help me", peaked with "I'm a crocodile" and had an encore of gibberish. The last part I went and stood outside the bathroom, on the phone with D, and even D was cracking up. I was laughing so hard I couldn't even tell C he needed to get done and get out of the shower. I told D that next time, I'm going to get out the video camera and tape it. I can see it now...

C: Mom, I want to bring my girlfriend home to meet you and D. You, uh...you don't have any naked pictures of me on a bearskin rug or anything do you?

Me: No, sweetheart, no bear skin rug pictures.

Two days later...

Me: So, girlfriend, I have a video from when C was younger. Why don't we watch it?

I'm such an evil mommy. :)

So this week, C takes his first FCAT test. I'm worried, but not. I'm worried, because this is really pretty much a make or break test. I'm not because C has always done well on these types of things in the past. But I can't help but be afraid that he might freak out and not do well, and end up repeating 3rd grade over something this silly. J is taking great pleasure in reminding C that he doesn't have to take this test. Brothers...they live to torment each other.

I found myself making some rather...unusual mistakes today. Well, I don't know that I would call them mistakes, exactly, considering the direction D and I's relationship has been heading. We are moving in together, quite possibly within the next few months. But what I found myself doing today shocked even me.

I was in my mommy group (which I know I was going to leave, but it's like a soap opera...you get hooked and can't stop) and there were 3 questions that I answered this afternoon. I felt they were good questions, one that deserved honest answers. The type of question required me to speak about my relationship with D as well as my children, and I found myself referring to the boys as "our" kids. Usually, I call them "my" kids, or "my" boys, or whatever. It's always been "my", though, because SD doesn't deserve any credit for them, and I've been raising them alone. And I've answered other questions since meeting D that required me to talk about both my relationship with him and my kids, and used "my". But today, I found myself using "our". Initially, I was surprised, and even kind of thought, "what the heck did I do that for?" I even said it out loud, at which point I ended up explaining to D what I'd done. He laughed and said he'd found himself calling C "son" so he didn't think it was a big deal. Later, after I did it the 3rd time, he even said he didn't mind.

So, the first time I did it, I surprised myself. The second time I did it, it was more like, "oh, for Pete's sake, I did that again." The third time, I decided it was hopeless and I just need to accept that apparently this is what I'll be doing from now on. I'm not sure why I did it. I'm not sure what it was that made me suddenly think of them as "ours" instead of mine. I do know one thing, though. When I was with SD, even though he helped conceive them, I never ever thought of them as "ours". Even then, the boys were always "my". So...the fact that I am thinking this way about D says a lot about how I feel about him and our relationship.

It also just proves that DNA is not what makes a family, or a father. In the short time that D has been a part of our lives, he's already acted more like a father to them, without even trying, than SD has in their entire lives. They seem to have readily accepted him as a part of our lives and our family. I know there will probably be a day when they will rebel and pull the "you're not my dad" bit on him. I know there will come a day when they will probably resent him, hate him, or at the very least, make his life difficult, which means mine will be difficult. But I figure that's normal and bearable. And we'll deal with that if and when that day arrives.

It's very strange. I used to swear that no man would ever meet my kids before we'd been dating at least 6 months, and even then, only if the relationship was serious. I stuck to that rule for many years. No man I ever dated met my kids. And then D came along. And we haven't been together 6 months, but he's already met the kids, and I already can see him as their dad. We're already moving in together. The kids have accepted him and have no problems with him and I being together. And none of this feels rushed, or like a mistake, and I don't feel like I should feel guilty that we didn't wait longer for this stuff. I guess whoever said that when it's right, you'll know it, knew what he or she was talking about.

Student of the Month!!

So, I go to pick the kids up today. And the teacher that runs the car rider line was running a bit behind today, so by the time we got pulled up, the kids were already waiting. The boys climb in the car, and I notice C has this red ribbon on his shirt. So I ask what it is as I lift it, and read "Student of the Month" on it. I immediately have to start driving, as the line is moving, but C starts telling me how he's student of the month, and handing me a bumper sticker, a certificate, and his coupon that entitles him to a free sundae at Sonic. Yay...an excuse for me to go buy ice cream. :)

I am so proud of him. He's come such a long way since Kindergarten and 1st grade. If you go back to some of my much older postings, you'll read about the trouble he had and the diagnosis I didn't want to get (Most of this will be found around April 2007, just to help you out a little). He had such a hard time not only with grades, but also behavior. He couldn't stop talking, couldn't sit still, couldn't focus. ADHD was truly making his life miserable. I strongly regret not getting him diagnosed sooner. I was so determined to think that my son didn't have that problem, or that I could get him past it naturally, without medication, and all I did was force my son to struggle when it wasn't necessary.

And when I look at where he is now, I am glad that I did finally give in and get him officially diagnosed and started on meds. His grades have improved, his behavior is so much better, and he is a much happier child (although he already has a teenage attitude!). He would be in a completely different place right now had I continued to try to convince myself that disagnosis and medication weren't necessary.

J, however, is very upset that is not, and has yet to be, Student of the Month. I tried to tell him to just be patient, and to remember that it took his brother until 3rd grade to get it, but J does not want to hear this. He wants to just pout and feel like he's getting ripped off somehow. Forget the fact that his grades are always through the roof, and that he's never had the behavior issues that his brother had. He doesn't want to hear any of that, because it doesn't suit his agenda of pouting and being miserable.

Sometimes I wonder about children.

D is well entrenched in his new job. He is quite the happy camper. He's getting lots of miles, he loves his new dispatcher, and sounds so much happier than I've heard him in a long time. This makes me happy, of course. I still miss him, and I still can't wait until he comes home so I can see him and hold him and touch him, but at least now I know he's not absolutely miserable and stressed beyond belief when we're apart.

Of course, he still likes to tease and torment me, so now...I'm off to plot my revenge. :)